PROOFS OF THE EXISTENCE OF GOD - (satire)

Over Three Hundred Proofs of God's Existence

(Adapted from a forum on the Internet Infidels.)

TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) If reason exists then God exists.
(2) Reason exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.
(2) I say the universe must have a cause.
(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) I define God to be X.
(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I can conceive of a perfect God.
(2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) God is either necessary or unnecessary.
(2) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?
(2) Only God could have made them so complex.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
(1) My aunt had cancer.
(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known Atheist, was morally inferior to the rest
of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling,
child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore
God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to
understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be
uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
(1) If there is no God then we're all going to die.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole
thing to you stupid Atheists -- it's too complicated for you to
understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys -- you're
obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say
can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and
you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For
God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the
world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the
earth." John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY
(1) God exists, you bastards!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT
(1) Ha ha ha.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY
(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of
God.
(2) Here is the URL.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT
(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's
existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)
(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Stevie Wonder is blind.
(4) Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better
things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see
an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

SLATHER'S ARGUMENT
(1) My toaster is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS
(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL
(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO
believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in
Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE
(1) Person X died an Atheist.
(2) He now realizes his mistake.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL
(1) Jesus died for your sins.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling
incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION
(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS
(1) Ask Atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the Atheist admits he doesn't know the
answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily
from your grave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS
(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [Atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [Atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [Atheist gives up and goes home]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY
(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that
Atheists are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own
insecurities about theism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll
ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, Atheists are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am
not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is impossible,
or vastly improbable.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual
in front of my Christian apologist peers.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)
(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and
intellectual in front of their peers.
(3) They don't fool me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INDULGENCE
(1) Atheists like to think that they can control their emotional
desires.
(2) But they're Atheists, so they can't.
(3) Therefore, Atheists feel the need to indulge in whatever they
feel like without worrying about committing sin.
(4) This just goes to show how they need God in their lives.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HATE
(1) Some Atheists hate Christians and Christianity.
(2) That's why they don't believe in God.
(3) Pathetic, aren't they?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM QUENTIN SMITH
(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.
(2) But God does exist.
(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on the
matter, because he is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS
(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KENT HOVIND
(1) I don't want to work for a living.
(2) I don't want to pay taxes.
(3) I can get gullible fundamentalists to send me money.
(4) I can use religious exemption claims to tie the IRS up in court.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KENT HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
(1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to
anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal
origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100%
certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front
of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according
to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any
possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
(2) No Atheist has ever met this challenge.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity
(2) Therefore, it must be true
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)
(1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
(2) Atheist: of course.
(3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?
(4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.
(5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
(6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!
(7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree
that Z is true as well?
(8) Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this
going, anyway?
(9) I'm glad we all agree.....
....
(37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P', Q
and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
(38) Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where is
this going?
....
(81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and
J'' are true. Agreed?
(82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS
THIS GOING!?
....
(177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are all
obviously valid. Agreed?
(178) [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust]
(179) Therefore, God exists.

MR. GOODSALT'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)
(1) Question for Atheist population: [apparently random question]
(2) Your answer is wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM ORIGINALITY
(1) I have written the following to demonstrate the existence of God.
(2) [insert entire text of a William Lane Craig article]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
(1) You use lots of big words.
(2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your
refutation of my position.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY
(1) [Christian asks "stumper" question]
(2) [Atheist answers question]
(3) [A lapse of time]
(4) [Christian repeats question]
(5) [Atheist repeats answer]
(6) [A lapse of time]
(7) [Christian repeats question]
(8) [Atheist repeats answer]
(9) [A lapse of time]
(10) Atheist, you never answered my question.
(11) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS
(1) Protestant Christian nations are rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
(1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless
I'm insane or God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY
(1) The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY
(1) I have proof that God exists.
(2) I won't bother to tell you what it is because, being Atheists,
you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX"
(1) We cannot prove that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.
(2) Therefore we cannot know reality.
(3) If reality is contingent, then everything is possible.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SUBJECTIVITY
(1) Everything is subjective.
(2) No subjective proof can be superior to any other subjective
proof.
(3) Based upon my subjective opinion, your opinion, that if
everything is subjective then, perforce, God is subjective, is false.
(4) Therefore, God (objectively) exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM
(1) I'm going to prove to you that God exists.
(2) [insert any of the other arguments on this page in here]
(3) [Atheist refutes argument]
(4) I cannot prove there is a God anymore than anyone of us can
prove we really exist in a tangible world.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

Meta-Proof
(1) This is a proof of God's existence.
(2) If the reader finishes reading this proof, the existence of God
will be proven to him/her.
(3) If the existence of God is proven, then God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

Proof By Anecdote
(1) God can be seen by those who believe in Him.
(2) If the God is seen, then He must exist.
(3) I have seen God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY
(1) Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody
named Jesus, maybe.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

BENDER'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) One day, demons were tap-dancing on my roof. I prayed and they
went away.
(2) Therefore, demons are really good dancers.
(3) Also, God exists.

BENDER'S ARGUMENT (II) (ARGUMENT FROM DAVID BLAINE)
(1) If David Blaine does real magic, then God exists.
(2) It looked real on his TV special.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

RANDMAN'S ARGUMENT
(1) This entry from the 1975 World Book Encyclopedia on evolution
contains some errors that I claim to have already substantiated.
(2) Mr. Ph.D.-in-Evolutionary-Biology , this proves that evolution is
an unsound scientific concept.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (I), aka Metacrock's Argument
(1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
(2) One of them is probably true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE
(1) What are the odds of that happening?
(2) Pretty long, I'll bet.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MYSTERIOUS USE OF PREPOSITIONS
(1) It is impossible to disprove God with your puny human intellect
unless you are above God.
(2) Are you higher than God?
(3) I'll take that puzzled look on your face as a no.
(4) Therefore, God (being the highest thing ever) exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TEEN CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT
(1) God is so totally awesome, dude, and if you would pretend that
Creed and POD were good bands, you would realize that.
(2) Also, our Youth Group leader Skip once, like, cured a broken leg
using only the power of the almighty Lord.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TOUNGES
(1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some
jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.
(2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.
(3) The only explanation is God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EUROPEAN HISTORY
(1) Many prominent thinkers in pre-modern Europe believed in God.
(2) Let's just forget about the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN (I), aka PALEY'S ARGUMENT, aka TELEOLOGICAL
ARGUMENT (III)
(1) If there is a designer, then God must exist.
(2) If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a designer.
(3) *throws watch into forest*
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN (II), aka GOD OF THE GAPS, aka TELEOLOGICAL
ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) Isn't X amazing!
(2) I don't understand how X could be, without something else (that
I don't really understand either) making or doing X.
(3) This something else must be God because I can't come up with a
better explanation.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE
(1) God exists.
(Atheist makes counterarguments)
(2) You know what? I am offended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
(1) God exists.
(Atheist makes counterarguments)
(2) You have my prayers.

ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM
(1) I don't know and you don't know either.
(2) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM LOVE
(1) Have you ever fallen in love?
(of course!!)
(2) So what is the cause of love? Isn't it God? Am I right or not?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IDENTITY (PC argument)
(1) Believing in God is a central part of my identity.
(2) You don't mean to deny my identity do you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
(1) Behold, foolish Atheists, I present you with an incontrovertible
proof of the existence of God.
(2) [Christian posts 10,000 word document without a single paragraph
break]
(3) [Atheists' eyes implode]
(4) I see that nobody can refute (2).
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NON-CONFRONTATION
(1) I am not here to argue with you Atheists.
(2) But come on, God obviously exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EXODUS
(1) If the Exodus story has any basis in historical fact, then God
exists.
(2) Some guy found some chariot wheels at the bottom of the Red Sea.
(3) There is absolutely no other way that chariots could get to the
bottom of the Red Sea.
(4) This means the Exodus story is true.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MARTYRDOM
(1) The apostles would not have died for something they knew wasn't
true.
(2) Atheist gives examples of martyrs outside Christendom.
(3) Obviously those examples were fooled by Satan.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TINKERBELL
(1) I really want God to be real.
(2) If you wish for something really hard, it'll come true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF DISPROOF
(1) You can't prove God doesn't exist!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (I)
(1) I once experienced something I can't explain.
(2) Atheists offer several possible, natural explanations.
(3) You're just guessing! I was there.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (II)
(1) I have experienced feelings of God's presence in my mind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE
(1) Scientists say a portion of our brain may be responsible for
mystical experiences.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESS (sometimes follows or combined with Lack of
Eyewitness I)
(1) Someone wrote the creation story in the Bible.
(2) That someone must have been an eyewitness to the described
events.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EYEWITNESS (I)
(1) You weren't there to witness abiogenisis/big bang/etc.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EYEWITNESS (II)
(1) No one's ever seen one species turn into another.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HALF A WING
(1) Half of a wing is useless!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
(1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FOOLISHNESS
(1) The Bible says Atheists are fools.
(2) I don't want to be a fool.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PIG'S TEETH
(1) Some scientists once thought a tooth was from an "ape-man."
(2) Later scientists discovered it was a pig's tooth.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (I)
(1) Someone made fun of my faith.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (II)
(1) Jesus said that people would make fun of Christians.
(2) I am an idiot.
(3) People often point that out.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (III)
(1) You Atheists are mean!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS SAID STUFF
(1) Jesus said some really cool stuff.
(2) No one else had said that stuff.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIFFERENCES
(1) The Christian God is different than the gods of other religions.
(2) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN MORALITY (although it could probably be
adapted to just about any religion)
(1) Somewhere, someone who called himself or herself a Christian did
something nice.
(2) This person was probably not lying.
(3) Therefore, this person was a Christian.
(4) Therefore, Christians do nice things.
(5) Therefore, Christians are moral.
(6) Christians believe in the Bible.
(7) Therefore, the Bible is moral.
(8) The Bible is God's word. It says so.
(9) Therefore, God is moral.
(10) (We are just ignoring all the not-nice things that Christians
may or may not have done in the past, it's hard to trust history
anyway, there are enemies of God working everywhere).
(11) A moral God would be really nice.
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CRAZINESS, aka Perchance's sister's argument (I)
(1) I would go crazy if I didn't believe in God.
(2) I am not crazy.
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM CHOCOLATE, aka Mrs. Pope's proof
(1) Chocolate is God's gift to humanity.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
Now class, would anyone like to attempt an Argument From Beer?

ARGUMENT FROM WWJD
(1) I have the "What Would Jesus Do?" T-shirt, bracelet, baseball
hat, and shoelaces.
(2) I wear them in public.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTEREST
(1) If God really doesn't exist than Atheists wouldn't spend so much
time talking about him.
(2) [Atheist refutes (1)]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

REID'S ARGUMENT
(1) You assume that your senses are reliable even though you can't
prove it.
(2) That means I get to assume anything I want.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORITY
(1) [Christian posts argument]
(2) [Atheist refutes argument]
(3) Atheist, you obviously didn't understand my argument.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CATCH-PHRASE
(1) There are no Atheists in foxholes.
(2) [Atheist points out Atheists in foxholes]
(3) They don't count.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

TERCEL'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY)
(1) We should believe what probably is true.
(2) I have arbitrarily assigned the proposition "God exists" a
probability of 0.75.
(3) That probability came from my ass, which I know assigns
extremely accurate probabilities to propositions concerning the
existence of God.
(4) So God probably exists.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FREE GIFT, aka Kissing Hank's Ass
(1) If some guy came up to you on the street and offered you a
billion dollars for nothing in return, would you take the money or
deny his existence?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY
(1) Atheists don't build hospitals.
(2) [Atheist points out Bill Gates and Ted Turner, who donate
millions of dollars to charity]
(3) Yes, but do they build hospitals?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SERIOUS ASSERTION
(1) God exists.
(2) No, seriously.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE OUTCOME
(1) Even if God doesn't exist, it would be better if people believed
He did.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (I)
(1) I believe that if God exists, there will be no evidence for his
existence
(2) There is no evidence for the existence of God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON'S ARGUMENT)
(1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
(2)
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY
(1) I am an idiot.
(2) Even an idiot can see that God exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (I)
(1) Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
(2) One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (II)
(1) A plane was hijacked by terrorists.
(2) The passengers prayed and attacked the terrorists.
(3) The plane crashed into a field, killing all aboard.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (III), aka Perchance's sister's argument (II)
(1) September 11th was really, really bad.
(2) We have bad things happen to us when we're doing something bad.
(3) Therefore, September 11th was a punishment for something we did.
(4) Maybe it was being arrogant?
(5) Yeah, that's it!
(6) God let September 11th happen to teach America humility.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MASS MURDER
(1) Stalin was an Atheist.
(2) He murdered millions of people.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TORNADOS
(1) A large tornado hit Kansas City.
(2) The tornado missed a church but destroyed several hundred homes.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SPAGHETTI
(1) A few people saw something weird in a bowl of spaghetti.
(2) Some Catholics believe that it is the Virgin Mary.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
(1) All U.S. currency contains the motto "In God We Trust."
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE (I)
(1) The Pledge clearly states that America is "one nation, under God
* * *."
(2) The existence of God is thus a necessary condition for the
existence of America.
(3) America exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS (I)
(1) Some of America's Founding Fathers wrote favorably about the
Bible.
(2) The Founding Fathers were really, really smart.
(3) Accordingly, the Bible must be true.
(4) The Bible says that God exists.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS (II)
(1) The Declaration of Independence includes the words "God"
and "Creator".
(2) Only a Christian would include the words "God" and "Creator"!
(3) Therefore this is a Christian Nation.
(4) A Christian Nation couldn't last over 200 years without God's
help.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FALL OF PAGAN ROME
(1) When Jesus was crucified, the Roman Empire was pagan, ruled by a
pagan Emperor.
(2) A couple of hundred years later, lots of Romans were Christians,
and the Emperor was a Christian too!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LOTS OF BOOKS
(1) The Bible has lots of books written by lots of authors over a
long period of time.
(2) Through centuries of vigorous apologetics we've been able to
forge a more or less coherent plot for the whole Bible.
(3) It is beyond human ability for so many authors over so long a
time to write so many books from which we could hammer such a plot.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNLIKE OTHER RELIGIONS (I) (argument from sacrifice)
(1) The Bible said Jesus died for our sins.
(2) No other religious text describes a god that died for our sins!
(3) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNLIKE OTHER RELIGIONS (II) (argument from
resurrection)
(1) The Bible said Jesus rose from the dead.
(2) No other religious text describes a god that rose from the dead!
(3) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE
(1) [Christian tears Darwin Fish off car, breaks it in thirds,
sticks it to driver's side window.]
(2) Therefore, the theory of evolution is wrong.
(3) Therefore, creationism is right.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TROY
(1) There is little archeological evidence for the events in Exodus.
(2) But look at Troy! It is discovered when people thought the Iliad
was only a story! So who knows if there would be a time evidence for
Exodus was discovered?
(3) Therefore the Exodus actually happened.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PROPHECY
(1) The book of Daniel made some prophecies.
(2) The prophecy was later fulfilled by other records in the Book of
Daniel.
(3) The prophecy came true!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SHAME
(1) The Bible showed a group of people performing embarassing
actions.
(2) It must be true if the book describes negative events.
(3) The Bible is describing historical events.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EQUAL VALUE (PC argument II)
(1) Evolution and the scientific worldview is a worldview.
Similarly, the biblical worldview is a worldview.
(2) You are not discriminating against our worldview are you?
(3) The Biblical worldview is as good as the scientific worldview.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MODERATION (often employed by liberals)
(1) The Creationist side occupies an extreme side of the spectrum.
(2) Similarly, the Atheist side occupies another extreme side of the
spectrum.
(3) The liberals are in between.
(4) Therefore, the liberal position on God is the most correct.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHICK
(1) I have all these cool Jesus comics.
(2) I also think Eternal is smart with all those great arguments.
(3) Those comics sure convinced me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENTIAL ASSERTION ( a.k.a. "Henry Morris Argument")
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore all physical evidence (fossil record etc) must show
this.
(3) Therefore it does.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF MEANNESS
(1) If God didn't exist, it would be mean of him to make me believe
he did!
(2) God isn't mean.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WE ALL GOT FAITH
(1) We all believe in something.
(2) Therefore we all have faith.
(3) My faith in God is no different from your faith that the sun
will rise tomorrow morning.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COOLNESS
(1) That's really cool.
(2) God must have done that.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WTC, aka ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (III)
(1) Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
(2) An intact Bible was found in the ruins.
(3) No, wait, it turns out it was a dictionary.
(4) Oh, well, God exists anyway.

ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)
(1) You believe in God.
(2) If I ever find out that you don't believe in God, you won't get
any money for college!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SNOWFLAKES
(1) Out of 3,300 pictures of snow-crystals catalogued no two are
exactly alike. Each has 6 points crossing at a 60 degree angle. If
one is like a fern it has 6 out-pointing leaves; if like a windmill,
It has 6 sails; if like a starfish, 6 ribs; or if like a fir tree, 6
stems with plumes set in perfect symmetry. This makes 3 distinct
triangles to each flake. The Hebrew word for snow equals 333 (Hebrew
letters stand for numbers).
(2) Could it not be that God has set His symbol of the Triune God in
each flake? The average snow storm produces about 1000 billion
crystals.
(3) Only an intelligent Being could design so many forms.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CUSTODY (used by the parents of a friend of mine)
(1) We have legal custody of your son.
(2) If you don't act as though the Christian God existed, then we
won't let you see him.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FIDEISM, aka Martin Gardner's argument
(1) Atheists are absolutely right. There is no logical reason to
believe God exists.
(2) But he makes me feel good anyway.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Argument from Pepper's Philosophy Class, aka The Energy Argument
(1) Things that exist have energy.
(2) Energy is alive.
(3) All living things are made from energy.
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM A BAD TRIP
(1) I went to a party and took LSD.
(2) I saw demons attacking me.
(3) Then Jesus came and drove the demons away.
(4) So I joined the Assemblies of God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM STUPIDITY
(1) I am stupid.
(2) God made man in his own image.
(3) There are all horrible disasters going around the world.
(4) God is omnipotent in power.
(5) God is too stupid to do anything about these things.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK
(1) You will be assimilated.
(2) All your salvations belong to us.
(3) Resistance is futile.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
(1) When I pray, either it comes true or God has a better plan.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DEMOCRACY
(1) God would never allow a non-Christian to become president.
(2) There has never been a non-Christian president.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PAIN AVOIDANCE
(1) If I don't believe God exists, I'll go to Hell.
(2) Please don't hurt me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS
(1) People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.
(2) We've climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.
(3) Therefore, pagan gods are false.
(4) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FUZZY ANIMALS, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (III)
(1) Bunnies are cute.
(2) Cuteness is not an evolutionary advantage.
(3) Therefore, cuteness must have been designed.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICS
(1) The vast majority of the people believe in God.
(2) I'll get elected if I pretend to believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRESIDENTIAL IGNORANCE
(1) If I ask God to blesserize Texas, nobody'll mess with it.
(2) Nobody messes with Texas.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COINCIDENCE
(1) We were driving home with our youth pastor when it started to
rain really hard outside.
(2) We pulled over to the side of the road, joined hands and asked
gawd to deliver us home safely.
(3) We arrived home safely.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMPUTERS
(1) I tried to delete a copy of the TEN COMMANDMENTS from my
computer. It would not have mattered as I had another copy on file.
(2) Still the computer malfunctioned.
(3) The computer had more sense than Atheists who made it.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY
(1) God is invisible.
(2) I can't see God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RAIN, aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT (III)
(1) I wanted it to be a sunny day.
(2) I prayed it wouldn't rain.
(3) We had two thunderstorms.
(4) Obviously, God didn't want to answer my prayer.
(5) Of course not! What a selfish thing to pray for! How dare I try
to compel God to my selfish desires!
(6) The rain was God's punishment for my selfish desires.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

METACROCK'S ARGUMENT FOR GOD (I)
(1) I Have a philosophy degree.
(2) Your knowledge in philosophy is paltry in comparison to mine.
(3) Therefore you are unable to comprehend my intense philosophical
proofs proving God's existence.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

METACROCK'S ARGUMENT FOR GOD (II)
(1) I created the term "arbitrary necessity".
(2) It is a golden principle and applies to whatever I say it does.
(3) I say an eternal universe is an arbitrary necessity.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (I)
(1) "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -
Ben Franklin
(2) Beer exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (II)
(1) Christian: Whatever you believe in is your god.
(2) Atheist: I believe I'll have another beer.
(3) Ha ha.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MONKEYS
(1) If man came from monkeys, there shouldn't be anymore monkeys.
(2) There are still monkeys.
(3) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM C.S. LEWIS
(1) C.S. Lewis had a lot of good arguments in favor of
Christianity ... at least that's what all my Christian friends tell
me...
(2) C.S. Lewis wrote some popular books too!
(3) So anything C.S. Lewis said must be right!
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL DESTRUCTION
(1) I woke up this morning and found that the universe still exists.
(2) Therefore, its destruction was averted by God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DEAD FIREFIGHTERS
(1) All those dead firefighters were blessed by a Catholic priest
before they gave their lives.
(2) For people they didn't even know!
(3) Yes, they were TOO mostly Catholics!
(4) I just know!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TODD BEAMER
(1) Todd Beamer prayed "Our Father" with a switchboard operator
after his flight was hijacked.
(2) Todd Beamer was a hero.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FALWELL
(1) Jerry Falwell said some really stupid things after September
11th.
(2) Then he apologized!
(3) He was inspired by God to repent!
(4) No, it had nothing to do with the public outcry!
(5) Why? Because God told me so!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTISTS
(1) Some famous scientists believed in God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FLOWERS
(1) That flower is pretty.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSTRUMENTATION
(1) You are an Atheist.
(2) You did something kind.
(3) You are an instrument of God.
(4) God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS
(1) Quantum physics uses an uncertainty principle.
(2) There is room for God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THERMODYNAMICS
(1) The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that a closed system tends
to disorder.
(2) The universe is ordered.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SONGS
(1) The song "America the Beautiful" has the line "God shed his
grace on thee."
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM APOLOGETICS WEBPAGES
(1) I was surfing the Net and came across this really cool webpage
of apologetics.
(2) Their arguments were stunning. I couldn't refute them.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMFORT
(1) All kinds of people have found comfort in religion.
(2) That means there must be something there to give comfort to them.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BILL O'REILLY
(1) Atheism is challenging this country's Christian roots!
(2) We are Christians!
(3) We will make a big stink about this, and not let Atheists win!
(4) We will win because God is on our side!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EXILSTENTIALISIC LONELINESS
(1) This can't be all there is to existence.
(2) I mean it's so horrible, pointless, brutal and nasty.
(3) It's all so depressing.
(4) I'm lonely.
(5) There has to be something else out there.
(6) I mean it, there just has to be.
(7) THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE!
(8) AGGGRRG!!! THERE JUST HAS TO BE!!!!
(9) God! He can be out there for me.
(10) I'm not so lonely now!
(11) Yay!
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE, aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) I don't like abortion.
(2) But this is just my opinion.
(3) I want my opinion backed up with facts.
(4) But in the absence of facts, morals will do.
(5) Christians say abortion is a sin! Yeah! I have allies!
(6) But for a sin to exist and Christians to be right, God must
exist.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN SOLIPSISM
(1) Nothing but Jesus is real.
(2) See #1.

The ARGUMENT FROM THE THRONE ROOM
(1) Would you stand in the presence of a mighty king and demand that
he prove he exists?
(2) No?
(3) That's what you're doing with God, you arrogant bastards.
(4) I don't CARE that you can't see him!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION
(1) I couldn't imagine not believing in God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WOW
(1) "When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all
those galaxies..."
(2) Wow.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KINDLY PSYCHOANALYSIS
(1) You say there's no God? Ah, someone calling themselves Christian
must have really hurt you in the past
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE IGNORED
(1) Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are ignored by mainstream
intellectuals
(2) Only a fear of the truth could explain this.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE NOT IGNORED
(1) Mainstream intellectuals are paying some attention to Dembski,
Behe and Plantinga.
(2) Only a growing recognition of the truth could explain this.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE
(1) You claim the evidence for Jesus' divinity is non-existent.
(2) But if there was lots of evidence, you would still not be
convinced.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNSEEN MIRACLES
(1) Atheists wouldn't believe in God even if He showed up and
performed a miracle for them.
(2) See! There was a miracle right over there! Didn't you see it?
(3) No?
(4) You must be an Atheist. Therefore, you cannot see miracles.
(5) But miracles happen. You just can't see them.
(6) Likewise, God exists. You just can't see Him, because you are so
determined not to.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WIND
(1) You believe in wind.
(2) But you can't see it.
(3) God's the same way
(4) It IS TOO analogous!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WARREN ROBINETT
(1) There's a secret message in the video game "Adventure."
(2) It reveals that the game was Created By Warren Robinett.
(3) It's the same way with the world.
(4) Look for the secret messages, and you will find the World's
Creator.
(5) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSIVENESS, aka GOODY2SHOES'S ARGUMENT
(1) You keep making statements that I think are generalizations,
hypocritical, and bigoted.
(2) I will only agree to stay if you stop that.
(3) [non-believer tries to be non-offensive]
(4) You're still offending me because of [insert random statement
here].
(5) [non-believer rereads her posts before posting, posting when she
thinks she is not being offensive].
(6) I'm offended!
(7) [non-believer tears her hair out trying to figure out how to be
non-offensive]
(8) This conversation is just the two of us. I think we should stop
this conversation.
(9) [non-believer figures 'Fuck it' and posts what she really thinks]
(10) WOW! WHAT A BIGOT! I'm leaving!
(11) I have a spiritual victory.
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (II), aka TERCEL'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
(2) There is a small chance that each of them is true.
(3) Using voodoo probability calculations, this means that there is
a much greater chance that all of them are true taken together!
(4) And this ISN'T just the mathematical version of the Ontological
Proof; I'm a real mathematician and you obviously can't understand
this proof because you don't know as much about math as me.
(5) Oh, and don't confuse things by mentioning how many Atheistic
arguments there are, and the probability of each of them being
correct...
(6) Or the fact that I basically pulled the probability of each of
my arguments being correct out of my ass...
(7) And admit that I know more about math than you, and you'll see
that...
(8) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES
(1) One time, I was in deep emotional pain.
(2) I prayed to God, and felt His presence.
(3) You aren't going to deny my emotional pain, are you?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ABUSING THE BODY
(1) One time, I fasted for three days straight, prayed on my knees
for hours, and didn't sleep, either.
(2) At the end of that time, God answered me.
(3) You see, you just have to mortify the flesh and accept the
things of the spirit in order to meet God.
(4) No, there is no possibility that it was a hallucination!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ECSTASY (used by a number of saints)
(1) I woke up last night with a feeling of indescribable pleasure
and joy.
(2) It couldn't have been sexual; I'm holy and never have thoughts
like those.
(3) So the ecstasy must have come from God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FEELING LOVE ALL AROUND, aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S
ARGUMENT (V)
(1) I can just feel love all around me. I know the world is a good
place, that people are essentially good, and that that comes from
God.
(2) I don't know how I know. It's just there. You've never felt it?
(3) I don't know how I know. Stop pestering me!
(4) [tears until nasty non-believer goes away]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MUSIC (could also be used for art)
(1) You like classical music.
(2) Classical composers wrote for God.
(3) [non-believer points out that they had to compose for the Church
or they would have been executed]
(4) But they wrote for God and you like the music.
(5) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (I)
(1) I enjoy beating children.
(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (II)
(1) I enjoy treating women like dirt. It makes me feel powerful.
(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)
(1) The Bible says the Bible is true.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) The Bible says God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exist.

WILLIAM JAMES' ARGUMENT
(1) We should give people the benefit of the doubt.
(2) When someone says God exists, we should believe them.
(3) A lot of people say God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

PASCAL'S ARGUMENT (aka Pascal's Wager)
(1) If God exists, it would be really cool. (And I would win big-
time.)
(2) If God didn't exist, it would really suck. (But I wouldn't lose
much.)
(3) Therefore, God exists. (Or, at least I should believe in God
because it's the best bet.)

THE BIBLICAL PRESERVATION ARGUMENT
(1) The Bible hasn't changed much since it was written.
(2) Therefore everything in it must be true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

BIBLICAL PROPHECIES ARGUMENT
(1) Jesus clearly fulfilled all the prophecies of the Jews.
(2) That's why there are no Jews alive today.
(3) If you see a Jew, you should probably kill him to make #2 work.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

THE STEWARDSHIP ARGUMENT
(1) God gave us the earth to take care of it.
(2) We take care of it.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE 2nd LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS
(1) All systems become chaotic.
(2) The Universe, too, will become chaotic.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM
(1) Unicorns don't exist.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE
(1) What's the meaning of life?
(2) [Atheist gives their answer]
(3) That's not what I believe.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC
(1) There are some things in logic that you can't logically
demonstrate.
(2) Therefore you have to take them on faith.
(3) Your faith in logic is the same as my faith in God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

VELIKOVSKY'S ARGUMENT
(1) If you twist the details enough, you can make a case for Venus,
as a comet, causing the Biblical catastrophes.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CAN'T-BE-A-RACIST
(1) Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in God.
(2) I don't think you want to say Dr. King was a fool?
(3) That's what I thought.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS' TORTURE
(1) No one ever, ever suffered as much as Jesus did on the cross.
(2) No, not the victims of the Inquisition.
(3) No, not the women burned at the stake or hanged as witches.
(4) No, not all the people who died thinking they were going to
Hell!!!
(5) Who but God would suffer like that for us ungrateful, unworthy
humans?
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SEVERABILITY
(1) Lots of ridiculous statements are made by people who only claim
to be Real Christians.
(2) They just give Real Christians a bad name.
(3) Real Christians don't believe is
literally true.
(4) But that doesn't mean the Bible isn't still mostly true.
(5) And the Bible is the Word of God.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE
(1) Because.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ELABORATED ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE
(1) Because.
(2) Because why?
(3) Because!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM "LET'S JUST BELIEVE" aka TAFFY LEWIS'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) All belief systems should be treated the same as the scientific
one.
(2) [non-believer: Why?]
(3) Because they have their own grounds.
(4) Anyway, that's my experience of how the world works.
(5) [non-believer: It's not mine. And why should you treat claims of
unicorns less seriously than claims of gods?]
(6) I don't believe there are unicorns.
(7) But I believe there are gods.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNIQUE EXISTENCE
(1) God exists but not in a way that anything else that exists
exists.
(2) Since there are no other things that exist as God exists, we are
free to make up things about God's state of existence that ensure
his continued non-observability
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, aka TAFFY LEWIS'S
ARGUMENT (II)
(1) More people have had positive religious experiences in the
context of Western theism.
(2) Therefore, God is kind, just, and all-loving.
(3) [non-believer: What about the people who have had negative
experiences? Or experiences of God's non-existence?]
(4) They don't count.
(5) Therefore, God is just the way I describe him to be.
(5a) Oh, yeah. And God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RIGHTS
(1) The Declaration of Independence founded the U.S.
(2) Therefore, the Declaration of Independence is true.
(3) The Declaration of Independence says that our rights
are "endowed by our Creator."
(4) George W. agrees with this.
(5) You have rights, don't you???
(6) Well where the f*** do you think they came from???
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FUTURE EVIDENCE
(1) Look, I realize that it doesn't seem to make sense that there
would logically be a God.
(2) However, I know He's real, and that in the future I think that
maybe something will happen probably that will show you all.
(3) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSTULATE
(1) To fully understand the following demonstration, you must first
assume that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS
(1) In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd exsits in a way tat's so
sure thatno athesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts dwmonsrtate
waht we canaSSUme fo rGod exisnce,,then how wwe can refute anya
rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn wel'l expose
scinetific evidnece thatGod eeexists then we'll cnolcude. yOU will
fnid an acurate&up6to6date bibliography no teh page 43 of tihs
essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a mroe confortable
raeding.
(2) [Atheist doesn't bother to read it]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNTRANSLATED OLD FRENCH
(1) � Mais pourceque j'avois d�j� connu en moi tr�s clairement que
la nature intelligente est distincte de la corporelle; consid�rant
que toute composition t�moigne de la d�pendance, et que la
d�pendance est manifestement un d�faut, je jugeois de l� que ce ne
pouvoit �tre une perfection en Dieu d'�tre compos� de ces deux
natures, et que par cons�quent il ne l'�toit pas; mais que s'il y
avoit quelques corps dans le monde, ou bien quelques intelligences
ou autres natures qui ne fussent point toutes parfaites, leur �tre
devoit d�pendre de sa puissance, en telle sorte quelles ne pouvoient
subsister sans lui un seul moment. � -- Ren� Descartes, Discours de
la M�thode
(2) How could you possibly refute that?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY
(1) Many Atheists will not be convinced by an argument
with "Therefore, God exists" as its conclusion.
(2) Consequently, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE
(1) I don't understand evolution, I mean how could there be nothing
then something?
(2) (Well informed Atheist gives articulate explanation of evolution
and gently explains that the beginning of the universe has nothing
to do with evolution.)
(3) Well it seems way too complicated and unlikely to me. Plus I
don't want to live my life thinking I evolved from a monkey.
(4) Therefore, God exists and Jesus died for our sins.
(5) (Atheist argues that theist's ignorance of evolution does not
logically lead to the conclusion that there is a God, let alone the
Christian God.)
(6) Says you! God bless.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH
(1) Lots of people go to church.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PHOTO-OP, aka ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
(II)
(1) A couple of godless commie federal judges ruled the 1954
inclusion of "under God" in the Pledge unconstitutional.
(2) Almost immediately thereafter, the whole U.S. Senate recited the
Pledge, including "under God," on the Capitol steps.
(3) The Senators' conduct was not--I repeat, NOT--mere political
posturing and/or vote whoring.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DEFENESTRATION
(1) If God exists, then He will protect me if I jump out this third
story window.
(2) However, you will not be so fortunate, unsaved heathen!
(3) *shove*
(4) See! God didn't protect you, just like I predicted! Any
counterarguments, heathen?
(5) No? Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
(1) This pizza tastes funny.
(2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
(3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
(4) It must be a miracle!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MYTHOLOGY
(1) The Old Religions were wrong.
(2) The Old Religions didn't believe in the same god as me.
(3) Therefore, I must be right.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ACCUSATION
(1) The Bible says that everyone knows God exists.
(2) Therefore, YOU know that God exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NOT-BELIEVING
(1) The New Testament says people like you would question us.
(2) You question us.
(3) Therefore the Bible is true.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS
(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as
primate food.
(2) They're so good that they must have been designed.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM METEORS (FALWELL'S ARGUMENT)
(1) God hates gay people.
(2) God is merciful.
(3) Disney World held a Gay Day parade.
(4) God could punish Disney World by sending hurricanes,
earthquakes, and possibly a meteor to Florida.
(5) God didn't, thus proving both postulate 1 and 2.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS
(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.
(2) A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue
them.
(3) They were all found alive.
(4) Only God could have done that.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) God is awesome!
(2) Like, totally, dude!
(3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY
(1) The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.
(2) Can you turn water into wine?
(3) No? Well there ya go.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL ABILITY
(1) I prayed to God, and then lifted a car off my trapped puppy.
(2) I couldn't have done that without God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
(1) Satan is bad.
(2) You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION AS USED BY A YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) Satan really sucks, dude.
(2) You don't wanna, like, be like Satan, right dude?
(3) Therefore God, like, exists and stuff. Totally.

ARGUMENT FROM BUFFALO, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IV)
(1) The Indians used every part of the buffalo.
(2) A creature we can use every part of couldn't have just randomly
evolved!
(3) It had to be created specifically for us!
(4) Therefore, God exists, and spent his early years churning out
buffalo.

ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY
(1) Bite me.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY, ACCEPTED
(1) Bite me.
(2) OW! YOU BIT ME!
(3) I'm being persecuted!!
(4) Therefore, God exists!

ARGUMENT FROM NEW AGEYNESS
(1) If enough people just believe, God will exist.
(2) Lots of people have been believing for a very long time.
(3) Therefore, surely by NOW, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ROUNDNESS, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (V)
(1) Isn't it amazing how perfectly round the planets are?
(2) Someone sure must have been in control of that "big bang" in
order for them to shape up like that!
(3) Just place a stick of dynamite under a huge rock. You'll see
that the explosion does not produce perfectly round smaller rocks.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(optional)
(3a) Atheist: The planets are round because of gravity.
(3b) But who made gravity?!?!
(4) Therefore, God exists!

ARGUMENT FROM FAITH IN THE OBVIOUS
(1) You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?
(2) See! Atheists have faith too!
(3) Just like I have faith in Jesus.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IMPLIED BEAUTY, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (VI)
(1) If you evolved, you'd be pretty ugly.
(2) Look how beautiful you are, and the world that is around you.
(3) Only God could have made you so beautiful.
(4) I don't care that beauty is totally subjective, you are
beautiful in God's eyes!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING
(1) Atheists claim Christians have been brainwashed by churches.
(2) We can just as easily say that they have been brainwashed by
secular colleges & universities in their futile thinking, and
secular reasoning.
(3) Your brainwashing keeps you from the Truth.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNISM
(1) All communists are Atheists.
(2) All communists are bad; haven't you watched the 6 o'clock news?
(3) Therefore they are wrong.
(4) Since the moral majority is theist and non-communist they are
good.
(5) Therefore they are right.
(6) This argument does so make sense!
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOR
(1) Sometimes I do good things and sometimes I do bad things.
(2) When I do something good this PROVES that God, my Guardian Angel
etc. are helping me to be good.
(3) Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Oh God help me to be strong
and steadfast against temptation 'til I die so that You God will not
in Your infinite mercy, send me to Hell.
(4) When I do something bad this PROVES that the Devil has tempted
me to do EVIL.
(5) Whatever I do it proves that either God or the Devil is real.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (III)
(1) Real men like beer.
(2) God allowed real men to make beer.
(3) Therefore, God is real, and likes beer.

ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION
(1) Churches don't pay taxes.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S PLAN (variation of the MYSTERIOUS WAYS argument)
(1) There is a plan in the world.
(2) The existence of this plan can be seen from the fact that things
are the way they are.
(3) My belief is part of the plan, and so is your non-belief.
(4) [Atheist: Why?]
(5) The plan is too infinitely great for our minds to comprehend
the "why."
(6) An infinitely great plan must have an infinitely great mind
behind it.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HAULING ASS
(1) [theist creates message board account and logs in]
(2) "GOD IS REEL AND ALL YOU HEATHEN ATHEIST INFEDILS WILL BERN IN
HELL FORE-EVER MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!!@#3FD"
(3) [theist logs off and never returns]
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BAPTIST BOARD
(1) God calls us to be a peculiar people.
(2) Stop laughing, foul non-believer.
(3) In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity-
(4) Stop laughing, I said.
(5) We must be a people apart.
(6) This means not listening to anyone who believes differently than
we do, because this would taint our peculiarity.
(7) If you do not stop laughing-
(8) (Oh, I have to do the end of the argument).
(9) Therefore, God exists.
(9a) And God especially exists because non-believers are laughing at
us, which means we're persecuted, which means we're special.
(10) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENTUM AD TINKERTOYUM, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (VII)
(1) Take some tinkertoys and make several "creations".
(2) Take the creations apart and dump the pieces in a plastic bag.
(3) Shake the pieces up and dump them on the floor. Repeat as many
times as you wish.
(4) The tinkertoys will never reassemble themselves into the
original creations.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL, aka ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (II)
(1) A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing
extensive surgery in the hospital.
(2) My whole family sat outside the OR and prayed through the entire
eight hours of surgery.
(3) He lived.
(4) No, the highly trained physicians had nothing to do with it,
unbeliever!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD
(1) You look weird, Atheist.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
(1) I was once abducted by aliens.
(2) What we call aliens are really demons, the Bible says so.
(3) If demons exist, than so does God.
(4) You've seen the X-files, haven't you?
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM REVELATION
(1) God told me that he exists.
(2) God wouldn't lie.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORCE
(1) [argument from Atheist]
(2) [theist shoots Atheist]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NAZIISM (INVERSE-GODWIN)
(1) Hitler didn't establish a Christian theocracy.
(2) Therefore, Hitler was an Atheist.
(3) Hitler was the worst leader possible.
(4) Therefore, all Atheists are bad people.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNCONSCIOUS THEISM
(1) Atheists think the universe created life.
(2) Well, they should if they thought about it really, really hard.
(3) But only a God can create life.
(4) So Atheists should believe in God, if they weren't so dumb.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNICATION FROM GOD
(1) I had this incredible experience that could only be explained by
a communication from God.
(2) Atheist says, "couldn't there be a natural explanation?"
(3) No, I'm telling you there is no way this could be explained
naturally.
(4) Atheist suggests alternate explanations q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y and z.
(5) No, none of those can explain it.
(6) Because they can't!
(7) Atheist is not convinced.
(8) How dare you deny my very special experience!
(9) Atheist tries to explain that s/he's only questioning the
theist's interpretation of that experience, and not the claim that
something special was experienced.
(10) You just don't want to believe that what I experienced is from
God, because you are a closed-minded, dogmatic materialist!
(11) And also, you are a big meanie and I'm not talking to you
anymore!
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COLTRANE
(1) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is dedicated to God.
(2) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is full of passion.
(3) Atheists cannot explain Coltrane's passion in "A Love Supreme."
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON
(1) George Harrison wrote "My Sweet Lord."
(2) It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever, and one of the
only pop songs devoted to God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEING A CATHOLIC
(1) The pope believes in God.
(2) The pope is infallible.
(3) I am catholic and like the pope.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GAME THEORY
(1) Theist: [after lengthy explanation] Hence, pursuant to game
theory, belief in an afterlife is the most sensible option.
(2) Atheist: Wait a minute. That's just Pascal's Wager dressed in
different verbiage.
(3) Theist: Nuh uh!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

"TRUE BECAUSE IT IS INCONSISTENT" ARGUMENT
(1) If the Bible were cooked up by some smooth-talking manipulative
authors, it would have been perfect and seamless and without any
apparent inconsistencies.
(2) But the Bible IS inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy at
many places
(3) So the Bible is NOT a product of some smooth-talking
manipulative authors.
(4) Hence the Bible is the word of God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS
(1) As game theory clearly shows, the irreducibly complex nature of
the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum
level and renders God logically necessary.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (I)
(1) Things hurt.
(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
(3) They really are whiney, aren't they?
(4) Christians are stronger than that.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (II)
(1) Some things hurt a lot.
(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
(3) But since they can't derive "ought" from "is," their belief
presupposes the existence of God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT FROM EVIL / ARGUMENT FROM POWER / ARGUMENT FROM
GUNS (I)
(1) I have a gun.
(2) [Atheist: "Ouch!!!"]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY
(1) Atheists think that the difference in religions disproves God's
existence.
(2) Eh, To-may-to, to-mah-to.
(3) Everyone knows that you must accept Jesus Christ in order to be
saved.
(4) Well, everyone who matters, anyway.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore, when I talk about God or related concepts, these
words denote something.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION
(1) Science is always true.
(2) Science says that there is a vanishingly small chance that all
of this could have happened on its own.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (I)
(1) Science is not always true.
(2) Therefore there is room for religious faith.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PAIN PLAN, aka LUVLUV'S ARGUMENT
(1) Things hurt.
(2) Things hurting are part of God's plan.
(3) A lot of the good things in life only come through suffering.
(4) This is necessary to achieve God's plan.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (II)
(1) We have a gun.
(2) In fact, we have a lot more guns than you do.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON
(1) Graham Chapman appeared in a film that made fun of Jesus.
(2) Graham Chapman died of a horrible, incurable disease.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
(3a) And has no sense of humor.

ARGUMENT FROM WAR
(1) War is hell.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ELVIS (adapted from a church sign)
(1) Some people call Elvis the King.
(2) But we know Jesus is King.
(3) Even non-believers can have a glimpse of wisdom.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

LINGUAL ARGUMENT
(1) There's existence in nonexistence so...
(2) God exists even if he doesn't.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

DIVINE POWERS ARGUMENT
(1) God's existence must be the work of God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION (related to the various ARGUMENTS FROM
OFFENSIVENESS)
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist asks any one of various questions, or even just starts
to ask them]
(3) Are you saying that God doesn't exist?
(4) You're oppressing me! You're depriving me of the right to
believe in God if I want to!
(5) Oppression is bad.
(6) Therefore, you are bad.
(7) Therefore, you must be wrong.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHEAT
(1) A grain of wheat will always fall to the ground and the outer
shell "dies".
(2) But see, eventually the grain will grow into a fuller, more
vital form.
(3) Hey, that's kinda like the Resurrection!
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WARM & FUZZY THINGS
(1) When I was an Atheist, I didn't have any warm & fuzzy things in
my life.
(2) I really like warm & fuzzy things.
(3) If the J-C God exists, lots of warm & fuzzy things are true
because all these really smart theists say so.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(5) Old Testament? Never heard of it.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)
(1) Everything was fine until man created science.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA, AKA GEORGE W. BUSH'S ARGUMENT
(1) God bless America.
(2) You're either for us or against us remember.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MASSIVE OPIATES
(1) Got to keep the public distracted.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KING JOSIAH
(1) Time to expand the kingdom.
(2) Therefore (only one) God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ASHCROFT
(1) I say God exists.
(2) I could have you locked up, you know.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IT'S MY BALL AND YOU CAN'T PLAY
(1) There is abundant logical and empirical evidence that God does
not exist.
(2) There is no evidence that God does exist.
(3) But God plays by completely different rules.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DISCOMFORT
(1) I am happy, believing in God.
(2) Then you come along and say all this nasty stuff to take my
happiness away.
(3) *sniff*... *sniff*... why are you making me uncomfortable?
(4) Anyone who makes other people uncomfortable must be different.
And bad. And ignorant.
(5) Daddy will hug me!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ARTIFACT
(1) Archeologists found the remains of a boat from Jesus' time.
(2) So the Bible is true.
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES
(1) Sometimes a bad person hurts little babies because he doesn't
have a happy life.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES II
(1) Sometimes little babies are different from one another; how
could you explain that?! Like, one will be really happy, and another
will be sad. Sometimes even twins.
(2) This proves the existence of the soul.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD
(1) Me and my dad watched this video where the Virgin Mary appeared
on a building in Egypt. No, it was kinda blurry...lots of people saw
it though and they were pointing at it.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT YEAR IT IS
(1) The years of our calendar are dated from the birth of Christ.
(2) Therefore, Atheists can't even live without making reference to
Christ.
(3) Obviously, Atheists really can't live apart from God, even
though they say they can.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOD-CENTRISM
(1) Everything revolves around God, even the earth and the sun.
(2) Therefore, even Atheists are revolving around God!
(3) Silly, aren't they, to deny the truth?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWN QUALITIES
(1) God has qualities we mere humans can't possibly know.
(2) This answers all Atheistic arguments.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVING MISGUIDEDNESS
(1) Theist: X, Y, and Z all prove God's love for mankind - This love
proves he exists.
(2) Atheist: But I can refute X, Y, Z and unsaid arguments A, B, and
C...
(3) Theist: Don't worry, you're wrong and your questioning of God
will send you to hell, but he loves you and I forgive you your
arrogance.
(4) Atheist: But you haven't said anything rational.
(5) Theist: Jesus/God *loves* you. Duh. Therefore God exists.
(6) Repeat 4, [35] ad infinitum.

ARGUMENT FROM FEELING GOD'S PRESENCE
(1) Atheists just haven't truly felt God's presence yet.
(2) If they had ever felt God's presence, they would not be Atheists.
(3) Theists have truly felt God's presence.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
(1) Doesn't it just make more sense that an all-knowing, all-
powerful, all-good deity created the world out of nothingness, from
magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of
fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to
shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went
through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky
and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to
this heaven no one has ever seen?
(2) Well, doesn't it?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE, ADDENDUM
(1) Atheist: No it doesn't.
(2) Theist: See, you're confusing the issue again! Think Simple and
Sensible!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (I)
(1) Scientific American published an article that shows creationism
is nonsense.
(2) The first editor of Scientific American was a Christian.
(3) Therefore, whoever wrote that article is a traitor and a liar.
(4) Besides, Scientific American didn't hire a creationist in the
70s, so they're obviously trying to persecute Christians.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (II)
(1) Answers in Genesis copied the full text of an article from
Scientific American.
(2) Scientific American sent one email to Answers in Genesis saying
that they don't necessarily want their articles distributed for free
in the internet by just anyone.
(3) See? Scientific American persecutes Christians!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PEPPERED MOTHS
(1) Science textbooks still use the "peppered moths" to prove
evolution.
(2) Atheist says that he has never seen a textbook which claims
anything of the sort, in fact the only place he hears about peppered
moths is from creationist websites.
(3) Obviously the Atheist has no clue what he's talking about then.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOD IS LIKE A RADIO SIGNAL
(1) There are many radio signals floating around your head all the
time.
(2) God is on one of them.
(3) You just have to listen to the right signal.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM IN INDIA
(1) [non-believer asks if the theist would still call his religious
experiences Christian if he had been raised in another country]
(2) Would you call your agnostic experiences agnostic if you had
been raised in India?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BESTSELLERDOM
(1) The Bible is the best-selling work in history.
(2) Now, just because it's popular doesn't mean it's the Word of God.
(3) But there's not much evidence to suggest it's not.
(4) [sound of non-believer spitting milk out her nose]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT
(1) Jesus was either lord, liar, or lunatic.
(2) Can you PROVE He was a liar or lunatic?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OTHERWISE THERE WOULD BE ANARCHY
(1) There has to be an objective truth to the universe, and humans
have to be able to access it.
(2) Otherwise, there would be anarchy everywhere.
(3) No courts or governments or anything.
(4) [non-believer falls out of her chair from laughing so hard]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE RIGHT
(1) God saves the queen.
(2) The queen hasn't died.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
(1) There is no such thing as a square circle.
(2) God is not a square circle.
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP
(1) Dictators do not believe in God.
(2) Dictators are wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERROR (Martin Luther's argument)
(1) The lightning storm filled me with the terror of God's wrath.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MEANING
(1) Nothing has meaning without God.
(2) I mean...
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SEMANTIC UNCERTAINTY
(1) Atheists can't quite agree on the exact definition of Atheism.
(2) Therefore all Atheists are wrong.
(3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TROUBLESOMENESS
(1) God really, really bothers me.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

WAYSON'S ARGUMENT
(1) Scientists generally accept the theory of evolution.
(2) I don't.
(3) Therefore, they are lying or fabricating their data.
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NEGATIVE THEOLOGY, or THAT'S ONE REALLY BIG HOLE
YOU'VE GOT THERE IN YOUR GROUND OF BEING
(1) We live in a world of pain and suffering.
(2) It seems that God is completely and utterly absent from our
world.
(3) This complete and utter absence constitutes an infinite void.
(4) Only an infinite being could create the infinite void that we
experience.
(5) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (III) (recursive internet edition)
(1) There exists a web page (
http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm )
(2) That page has hundreds of purported proofs of the existence of
God.
(3) They can't all be wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

Ergo

ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.