The 23rd Channel - new scripture

The TV is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.
It makes me lie down on the sofa.
It leads me away from intelligent thought,
It destroys my soul.

It leads me in the paths of sex and violence,
For the sponsor's sake.

Yea, though I walk in the shadow of my individual responsibilities,
There will be no interruptions;
For the TV is with me.
It's cable and it's remote control--
They comfort me.

It prepares a commercial before me,
In the presence of my worldliness.
It anoints my head with humanism.
My coveting runneth over.

Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the house watching TV forever.

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